Apologetically Dressed

I'm stuck here
waiting for you
just so you can
hold her again
and send me back
into the hole
of depression.
She said that
it was awkward
being with us- then
she found out your
feelings for me and
I catch you
touching her again like
I never even happened.
You're like sheet
music- black and white,
but still I can't
read you. I'm
like a story book
in colors and english,
and you flip my pages
without my say, like some
perverted puppet
master. It doesn't
make sense- she
says how great
we are together- how can
that be when you
deserve someone
better and I'm
the only one in
love? She makes
me so sick, drawing
hearts for you when
I've been showing
and giving you mine
to have it crushed
and hers treasured
when she's just giving you
tearable paper hearts,
a shoddy substitute
for her own.  Why do
you cherish petty
clones over the
real thing, complete
with scratches, scars,
and healable wounds?
Apparently I'm just
not good enough
for you- is it
that she's amazing
at everything and I'm
just half assed at
this?
Every hug, every touch,
every look, either
to or from you, I
treasure because
it's all I have
of you.
Everytime I see you or
sit next to you all I
can think is
I love you
so much.

So why can't you just love me back?